Life comes at us hard and fast. It has rules that change and evolve without telling us “what, when, or why.” We adapt the best we can because that’s what we’re are designed to do as humans. And then sometimes we don’t adapt, and we begin the process of resisting and complaining and trying our best to control or change whatever we can’t accept. Yet, we talk about it so much that it grows bigger and bigger, not only in our own lives but with everyone to whom we complain. We have manifested a giant that we thought we could DOMINATE, but instead, we are confronted with the truth that the giant we created now owns every aspect of our lives and conversations.

“SIGNIFICANCE” is a subtle word to which we give much honor. “SIGNIFICANCE” helps us look good. It’s what we spend most of our lives striving toward – looking good. I owned a sign-making business for 15 years and my entire career was assisting people in their quest to look their best for their parade, festival, school organization, church, company or cause. My company provided everything my clients needed to give significance to their promotion in order to create the most popularity, relevance, and credibility. In English, “sign” is naturally the root of the word “SIGNIFICANCE.” Of course. It makes sense.

Let’s follow this through. For example, there’s an event that your boss told you that you are required to organize. Let’s say it’s a company Christmas party. She gave the responsibility to you because she sees that you have the positive qualities needed for the best Christmas party possible. But you immediately perceive it as a burden and, therefore, SIGNIFICANT. In that context, you have ATTACHED yourself to it because you already think that it’s a burden. But you bear that burden because it was assigned to you by your boss, and it’s your job to make it a great event. The good news is that your boss gave you the authority to appoint three other employees to be on your team to support you and help you execute the glorious Christmas party.

So now, the SIGNIFICANCE has grown larger, and so has the ATTACHMENT. With this ATTACHMENT comes a particular EXPECTATION designed to fit the outcome of the project. You share the EXPECTATION with others in a way that they understand what the party is all about. And the Christmas party has to be a certain way – no more and no less. Now the only way to manage that EXPECTATION from that point is to DOMINATE it.

You and your team are in control, DOMINATING every aspect of the EXPECTATION of the company Christmas party. It’s all going very well until one of your team members doesn’t agree with the others and has convinced another person on the team to see it their way and join in the disagreement. Of course, you are ATTACHED to your own perspective. It’s two against two, and everyone is now UPSET.

Since all of you are professional and decent people and since it is the holiday season, you can pretend and cover up the UPSET and move forward with the event regretting getting involved in the first place. The UPSET has changed into FRUSTRATION, and two of your team members not only quit the team but are so stressed that they moved on to another company and a new job. Now, it’s only yourself and one other employee to handle all of the responsibilities of the event designed for a 4-person team.

The SEPARATION of losing the others leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, along with confusion. You are angry with how all of this ended up this way. The Christmas party happens as planned, and everyone has a wonderful time except you and your only teammate. Your boss is so impressed that the next year, she asks you to do it again and you tell her “No way! I’ll quit my job before I ever do that again.” You remember how it went last year and are certain that it will happen the very same way again this year. Even though it’s a year later, everything from last year is still in existence: SIGNIFICANCE, ATTACHMENT, EXPECTATION, DOMINATION, UPSET, FRUSTRATION, and SEPARATION. It’s a stressful and unending cycle leaving you, and everyone around you incomplete.

Now let’s rewind to the beginning and try a different context.

Your boss gives you the responsibility of organizing and executing a company Christmas party because she sees that you have the positive qualities needed for the best Christmas party possible. You thank her for the opportunity and have a conversation with her about ideas and themes and ways to make the party the most fun and memorable. The context is full of POSSIBILITY, and you see the party as a GAME to PLAY.

You immediately turn the event into LANGUAGE. You ask your boss for input, and she is happy to give it. In response to your REQUEST, she sends a memo to the company sharing the exciting theme that she and you have CREATED, asking for volunteers to support and assist you. Five volunteers accept the RESPONSIBILITY and are happy to be of service and CREATE with you, a fantastic company Christmas party.

Satisfied with the RESULTS, you thank and ACKNOWLEDGE your boss for the ACTIONS she was willing to take so quickly, and you ACKNOWLEDGE your new team for volunteering.

In your first meeting with the team, you also ACKNOWLEDGE them for their COMMITMENT to the project, and together, you re-CREATE the vision and POSSIBILITY of the company Christmas party. You listen to your team members and delegate more RESPONSIBILITY to each one and REQUEST them to act with integrity in the duties they have chosen.

Each team member is taking ACTIONS from their COMMITMENTS, reporting the results back to you. When problems happen, there is no significance. There is only ACKNOWLEDGMENT of what happened and new ACTIONS to take. Again, with no significance, the ACTIONS produce particular RESULTS. The results are ACKNOWLEDGED, and there is a sense of COMPLETION. COMPLETION leaves a space of nothing that is filled again with something else newly CREATED or simply the joy that something is COMPLETE.

The company Christmas party is a hit. Everyone loves it. The boss takes a special time at the party to ACKNOWLEDGE the team and you as the leader. The event is COMPLETE. Nothing to regret – only RESULTS, ACTIONS, and ACKNOWLEDGMENTS. What shows up is peace, celebration, and contribution that feels a lot like love.

The next year, your boss asks you again if you will lead the Christmas party team. This time there are ten volunteers – double from last year because of the positive energy and excitement of the remembered experience.

When something in your life feels or looks significant. Notice what ways you are attached to it and what expectations you are forming about it. There may also be a loss of power and frustration included. Just look and see for yourself where the significance can be dropped and where creativeness, possibility, language, and action can be added.

Live a life that is complete every day. Look for words you can say and actions that you can take that fulfill on your games in life that you want to win. Appreciate and acknowledge people around you for the blessing they are.

Webster’s Dictionary:

com·plete adjective

1: having all necessary parts, elements, or steps

2: brought to an end : CONCLUDED 

3: highly proficient

4: fully carried out : THOROUGH