We are all born from a connection. Many mothers go through a time of emotional suffering after their babies’ birth due to the loss of connection. And unless you’re going through a fertilization procedure in a lab, physical connection – sex is necessary to propagate our species. Connecting and being connected is crucial to mental and emotional health on multiple levels.

I’m the first to admit that not all relationships are worth restoring. But some are. Some relationships are essential to save you from drowning in bitterness and self-pity or complete loss of hope for the rest of your life. But how do you repair a relationship without minimizing either or both parties – especially when there is an extreme attachment to the pain, anger, shame, and sorrow involved?

The most effective template for restoration that I have seen is from 2 Chronicles 7:14 in the Old Testament of the Bible. The story goes that King Solomon just finished a 14-day dedication and celebration festival upon completing the newly built temple. After sending everyone home, he returned to the palace. God appeared to Solomon at night and told him that he approved of the temple as a connecting point between God and his people.

Then God reminded Solomon what it’s like when there’s a disconnection, usually due to complaining. Many bad things happen, like drought and plagues and swarms of locusts that eat up crops of food.

But God followed up with the antidote. He said, “if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.” None of that sounds easy. It occurs to me like it’s everything that I don’t want to do. But there’s some magic in these words. Let’s look at this like it’s a template.

In the world of restored relationships, the goal is forgiveness, health, and a sustained intimate connection with the other person or ideal to the level of state of being “my people called by my name”. Four things are required for that to happen:

1. Humility, which is turning your back on your arrogant entitlement for the sake of something better.
2. Pray – use your language to authentically communicate the truth as you can express it.
3. “Seek my face” – lean into the process with a focused intention to connect.
4. “Turn from your wicked ways” – quit doing stupid shit that keeps you away from what you really want in life.

So what does this have to do with your gratitude superpower?

Thankfulness is a function of connection. Each of the four aspects of restoring relationships is managed inside of gratitude.

1. Gratitude is naturally open-minded and humbly connecting, empty of arrogance.
2. Speaking words of thanksgiving is authentically expressing truth.
3. Gratitude is a position of desire for a positive result. Hope and intention are present.
4. In referring back to aspects 15, 16, and 17 of your gratitude superpower*, clarity and choice lead to actions consistent with a life that makes a positive difference for yourself and others.

The likelihood of redemptive forgiveness and complete restoration of your relationship is much more assured.

*from A Hypothesis of Everything pt 1 – Chapter 2:

15. Access to simplicity and clarity as a lifestyle. You are grateful for the things that you like. The practice of gratitude filters out harmful elements in your life so that you can let them go and focus on the things that give your life intention and meaning. Complexities and distractions fall away.

16. Living a life of choice. Most of us live life in a way that feels like we don’t have a choice or say in the matter. And most of us cannot give a truthful answer to the question, “what do you really want in life?” Practicing gratitude hones your ability to actually want things in your life. The bonus of that ability is choosing what you want – learning that choice is a distinction that you can generate at any moment.

17. Alertness and sensibility. When gratitude is present, you are more open to opportunities to make a difference and readily see humanity’s struggle. You can act effectively for the better.